To plant is to believe in tomorrow.

The last couple of weeks have been a little crazy at our house.   Since the nice weather has hit we decided to redo the entire yard.  Our yard is an acre so this is no small feat.  We enlisted the help of Uncle Mark and Grandma a couple times which helped so much!  Mark killed all the grass and we've been plowing, tilling, smoothing dirt ever since.  Ripping out old juniper bushes, concrete, 12 rotting aspen trees, planting a giant garden and digging up an insane amount of roots in the someday to be lawn.  We've been trying to get it all done before we leave on our 2 weeks of reunioning.  But the Lord in his infinite wisdom sent us a rainy day on Saturday.  I was so grateful.   We woke up and took some family names to the temple that I had been working on.  This was the first couple that I had completed all the ordinances for (albeit in a backward manner.... I'm still learning!).  I've been to the temple loads of times, but I can testify that the power I felt from helping family receive their covenants, while keeping mine was tangible.  I'm so grateful for the temple.  I'm grateful that in the midst of hard, exhausting (but good) work, and in my busy pregnant life I can go and be filled with power, and joy, and humility, and happiness in the temple.  Pure Joy.  Deep Joy.  Down to the deepest parts of me.  

On another note.  We found out yesterday that we are having a GIRL!!  No one was more surprised than me.  I thought for sure it was a boy.  But I am so excited to have another baby girl.  Our little Sarah has filled our home with so much brightness I can't wait to see what this next little personality will be like.  I'm excited to decorate their little room in pink. (Sarah's orders).  Everyone was excited except my Sam who declared that he didn't like my belly anymore.  He was so disappointed.  But I'm pretty sure he will adore this baby just as much as he adores his Sarah.  He's been having the hardest time with his grouchy pregnant mama.  Sometimes being the middle child is rough!

Mothers Day 2018

See that tired guy on the other side of the table.  He's kind of my rockstar.  Man I'm grateful for him.  He let me sleep in, made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, made dinner, cleaned the kitchen.  Thing is this doesn't just happen on Mother's Day.  He lets me sleep in all the time and if he's around in the morning he makes delicious egg burritos and he cleans up far better than I do.  Tonight for FHE we talked about personal revelation.  Stemming from President Nelson's GC talk.   This guy right here is the single best thing that has ever come from my own personal revelation.  Man I love him.  He still makes my heart do flip flops.   When he's in the room everything around me lights up.

My Zina Zee made me that rhubarb streusel cake with warm vanilla sauce. It was to DIE for.  One of my all time favorite desserts.  She even went out and harvested the rhubarb herself.   Also.  I hope she always wants to be my friend.  12yr old girls are the VERY best thing ever.   I love her.   I'm grateful for her shining example.  Her good friends, her passion, her grace.  She is turning into a beautiful young woman with righteous desires. 

We slipped down to Utah hunt for a new van.  We spent some time on temple square. 

Here we are on top of the conference center.  

 Sarah loved all the princess's in their white dresses outside the temple.

 I loved telling the kids about the time Grandma Judy took me on a date to the Lion house - even before I'd even been out on a date with Mark.   We sure do miss that Grandma Judy.  I always order the same thing.  Salmon, mashed potatoes, squash, salad and a Lion house roll with honey butter!

 Ah, Utah in the spring.  We love you!  We took the kids on a few little hikes (little because Wilson is a self proclaimed non-hiker and we have to coax him with baby hikes... :)

 Creek Exploring at the beginning of Spanish Fork Canyon

 Box Canyon with all the Thomas'.  We enjoyed s'mores and singing around the campfire afterwards.  

I'm not a perfect mother, and neither was my mother, or my mother-in-law or their mothers.  But there is one thing that they all had and if I can but pass that on to my kids then I will have deemed my efforts a success.  Simply, that it is through Jesus Christ that they will find happiness.  By serving and loving others as he did.  He is the way, the truth and the life.  

Hardship and Light.

Well, I'm not really sure if anyone reads this old thing anymore which is fine because I apparently don't write on it anymore either. :) .  However I went to find my journal today to record some thoughts and feelings and it was sequestered in the room with the sleeping 2yr old wild child that we have recently renamed tornado.  So ye old blog gets the words today. 

The last month has been a difficult one due to the fact that I am 10wks (today!) pregnant with baby number 6.  Hurrah.  If you anyone still reads your the first to know. :).  I was so terrified to take this step (which I knew deep down was the right step) that I fasted and prayed every Sunday through November and December for strength and future strength to bring this 6th child into our home.  I have felt 10x better than my pregnancy with Tornado (otherwise known as Sarah Louise), and there have been many moments when I have felt a direct correlation to the peace in my home,  as my children did their schoolwork, made breakfast, cleaned up dinner etc, and the fasting and prayer I did in preparation for this particular hardship.  I say hardship because pregnancy and I are not friends. 

Despite this peace and knowledge I was still feeling weighed down by my responsibilities and lack of energy and motivation in order to complete said responsibilities.  Like homeschool 3 older children, feed and clothe everyone (forget bathing that went out the window a long time ago), fill them up when their tank is empty, laundry, house cleaning, church responsibilities etc.  I tend to just give it all up and climb into bed with my blankets over my head.  Sometimes it's just so daunting.  Normally I love and relish in the busy-ness of our lives.  I love making meals, having my children home, teaching them, spending time together.  But I've just been so so tired.

I'm so grateful today for Latter-day revelation.  For the opportunity to attend the Solemn Assembly, to sustain President Russell M. Nelson as Prophet.  For the words that were spoken in conference directly to me for my current situation straight to my heart.  I am all filled up with gratitude, reverence, and awe for my Savior Jesus Christ.  For His great sacrifice that enables me to do hard things through His grace and power.  I am grateful to the power of testimony.  For the power to recognize when the Holy Ghost is speaking to me.  For the small and simple things in my life that open the doors of Heaven in my home.  I cannot explain that feeling when you know deep down to your toes that these things are true.  That Jesus Christ lives.  That He speaks to us through his latter day prophet Russell M. Nelson.  That the Book of Mormon is the word of God.  Sometimes our daily trials overwhelm us and cloud our perspective.  Grateful for the chance to reset my eternal perspective. 

    Tornado eating a well rounded Easter Breakfast. 

Traditional Pysanky Easter Egg Dying.

And the fun parent individually wrapped olives for an Easter April Fools Joke. 

I didn't even notice while I was hiding them. lol.. 

Faith over Fear.

This seems to be a recurring life theme.  I think it's a pretty good one.  I am so deeply grateful for faith.  For faith to do hard things.  Faith in a Heavenly Father who cares about my decisions.  Who understands my heart even when my actions and fear sometimes speak louder than what is in my heart.  I could make a long list of things that I am afraid of.  And another long list of things that I've been afraid of but done anyways.  Life is good.  I'm grateful to be a mom.  I'm grateful to take the steps into the dark that have brought me profound joy.  We can do hard things because we are not alone.  I'm grateful for Jesus Christ who makes all things possible.  Grateful for the restored Gospel of His church on the earth and the peace and joy that eternal families, eternal increase, eternal principles, and eternal doctrine brings.  The things of God last forever.  Faith over Fear dear friends. Faith over Fear.