Thomas: Hardship and Light.

Well, I'm not really sure if anyone reads this old thing anymore which is fine because I apparently don't write on it anymore either. :) . However I went to find my journal today to record some thoughts and feelings and it was sequestered in the room with the sleeping 2yr old wild child that we have recently renamed tornado. So ye old blog gets the words today.

The last month has been a difficult one due to the fact that I am 10wks (today!) pregnant with baby number 6. Hurrah. If you anyone still reads your the first to know. :). I was so terrified to take this step (which I knew deep down was the right step) that I fasted and prayed every Sunday through November and December for strength and future strength to bring this 6th child into our home. I have felt 10x better than my pregnancy with Tornado (otherwise known as Sarah Louise), and there have been many moments when I have felt a direct correlation to the peace in my home, as my children did their schoolwork, made breakfast, cleaned up dinner etc, and the fasting and prayer I did in preparation for this particular hardship. I say hardship because pregnancy and I are not friends.

Despite this peace and knowledge I was still feeling weighed down by my responsibilities and lack of energy and motivation in order to complete said responsibilities. Like homeschool 3 older children, feed and clothe everyone (forget bathing that went out the window a long time ago), fill them up when their tank is empty, laundry, house cleaning, church responsibilities etc. I tend to just give it all up and climb into bed with my blankets over my head. Sometimes it's just so daunting. Normally I love and relish in the busy-ness of our lives. I love making meals, having my children home, teaching them, spending time together. But I've just been so so tired.

I'm so grateful today for Latter-day revelation. For the opportunity to attend the Solemn Assembly, to sustain President Russell M. Nelson as Prophet. For the words that were spoken in conference directly to me for my current situation straight to my heart. I am all filled up with gratitude, reverence, and awe for my Savior Jesus Christ. For His great sacrifice that enables me to do hard things through His grace and power. I am grateful to the power of testimony. For the power to recognize when the Holy Ghost is speaking to me. For the small and simple things in my life that open the doors of Heaven in my home. I cannot explain that feeling when you know deep down to your toes that these things are true. That Jesus Christ lives. That He speaks to us through his latter day prophet Russell M. Nelson. That the Book of Mormon is the word of God. Sometimes our daily trials overwhelm us and cloud our perspective. Grateful for the chance to reset my eternal perspective.