A glimpse...

There are so many things that I've been wanting to post about lately, but I haven't been able to make sense of them in my own head.  They keep swirling around trying to make connections so that they can come out in complete sentences.  Must be the four kids that have done that to my brain.  I wouldn't trade them for the world. :)  Way back in March when the weather was cold and grey, the husband was gone a lot (still is - 3 cheers for the end of April!!), and everyone at home (including Mom) was sick - oh so sick.... I had a week.  It was a rough week.  Trying to stay on top of everything and do everything and BE everything.  From a husband who was working 75hrs a week, to homeschooling my rug rats, to keeping up with the laundry, and keeping everyone healthy, clean AND happy along with no where to go but our own little house.......I had a week.  It was a rough week. And by the end of the week I realized I could not live life like this.  It was a week of grumpy, depressed, yelling, frustration.  My overwhelming emotions were being felt and expressed by my children (especially my sensitive Wilson) who also became grumpy and frustrated yelling things like, "I hate you!"  "You're Stupid!"  etc.  When I saw their sweet little faces dissolving into tears and anger, I knew it was my fault.   I just didn't know what to do about it. 

Well, actually I did.  I knew exactly what to do about it so that I could figure out what to do about it. :)
I love the scriptures.  I have without fail always found exactly what I needed when faced with a struggle in my life.  While pouring out my heart to Heavenly Father I asked how to do it all.  Then I opened to Deuteronomy 4:9.  "Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons and thy sons sons;"

I knew immediately that I had to take better care of myself.  I had been fairly diligent in exercising and eating healthy, but I had been reading my scriptures in the evenings when I was so exhausted that there was no time to ponder or search.  I read THIS post and was inspired to make some changes.  Big changes for me - because I am not a morning person...no I thought I was not a morning person. But I'm learning that with God I can be anything I want to be.  I CAN be a morning person.  I CAN be outgoing and share the gospel.  I CAN go without chocolate for longer than 24hrs. :) I CAN sacrifice things that I thought were important so that I can gain things that are even more important.  What a beautiful thing it has been the last month to arise early - earlier than my babies, fill my heart with truth, and then, if the littles didn't wake up first, exercise my body.

The peace in our home has returned.  My joy of motherhood has returned.  Easter came! We celebrated the life of our Savior Jesus Christ.  I am so so so grateful to my Savior Jesus Christ.  I am not who I am without Him.  I need Him everyday.  And I am slowly learning how to let Him in every moment.   The grass has turned green again!  Spring is mostly here.  Perhaps a little slow coming here in Michigan, but  it is alive and vibrant in our hearts. :)  I find so much joy in working in my own little home to fill my children up with reading and writing and arithmetic....but also with faith, and hope, and charity.  We are not perfect and we have a long ways to go but we are going and that is the important thing.  We are going up.  Not straight.  Not down.  Up.  And it's a beautiful journey.